


Skin Deep

by forgetcanon



Series: the bold and the faithful [2]
Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Relationship Discussions, in the dark of the night feelings will find you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 01:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13582893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetcanon/pseuds/forgetcanon
Summary: "Hey," she said softly. "Can't sleep?"This one was definitely a sigh. Charon slid a hand up her ribs, over her nightshirt- Ashley was starting to recognize this as, 'I heard you; I'm thinking.'Eventually he said, "I'm not certain how to say something."Charon struggles to communicate. Ashley struggles with letting him.





	Skin Deep

Ashley was enjoying this thing they were doing. This thing where Charon no longer had to ask her every time he wanted to kiss her, or fuck her, or sleep in her bed. This thing where she woke up next to a man that she trusted, and she spent most of the day with him, and the evening with him, and the night with him, and there was no longer this _thing_ in between them where she wanted more than he'd ever be willing to give her, because, well. He was willing.

More than willing.

And tonight, she was enjoying his arm over her waist as they lay together on her narrow bed in the darkness. (The wind rattled through Megaton in slow bursts. Over at Moriarty's, a fight was being settled- without gunshots, even.) Next to her, Charon breathed steadily, a solid weight at her side.

A solid, stiff weight.

Ashley was never sure when to push Charon on his thoughts or to leave him be. He always kept his own counsel, but it wasn't as though he had any confidants. Possibly ever. There was his employer, and then the rest of the world. Even though Charon might spare a few words for certain people every now and then- Gob, Moira, Willow- Ashley had a hard time imagining him approaching anyone with his troubles.

After a quiet breath that could possibly be called a 'sigh,' Ashley made a decision and turned over in his arms. Nothing ventured…

"Hey," she said softly. "Can't sleep?"

This one was definitely a sigh. Charon slid a hand up her ribs, over her nightshirt- Ashley was starting to recognize this as, 'I heard you; I'm thinking.'She stayed quiet. Charon always thought through everything he was going to say, completely, before he ever so much as made eye contact to speak. He never stammered, or said 'uh.' Ashley often wondered how many bridges it would burn in Underworld if she asked what they'd done with Ahzrukhal's body, so she could dance on his grave.

Eventually he said, "I'm not certain how to say something."

Alright. That was a hell of a thing to need a few minutes to come up with. And she doubted he was kept awake by thoughts of how to get Flak to give them a discount on .308s and shotgun shells- he was thinking very, very hard about something he wanted to say to _her_.

"I'm listening," Ashley said softly. "Whenever you piece together how you want to say it."

Another long pause. (One of the panels in the wall vibrated as the wind changed.) The springs in the mattress squeaked as Ashley shifted, and then Charon shifted to accommodate her.

"Sometimes," Charon said, "I dislike being touched."

There was a moment when the words sunk in. Then Ashley felt her soul wince. She was abruptly aware of all the places they were touching- his arm on her, her hand bunched up awkwardly near his collar, their thighs and feet entangled, oh why hadn't she invested in a bigger bed before-

"No, no," Charon said, moving with her as she tried to give him the space he was asking for. "This isn't what I- forget it, just forget it."

"No," Ashley squeaked in response. "No, Charon, what do you mean-" It was obvious what he _meant_ \- "What brought this _up_ -?" What had she done, she'd thought she had been getting better at reading him.

"Sometimes," Charon repeated, his voice strained, "I don't like to be touched. Not all the time. Not any more. But sometimes."

"Have I ever- I mean, I _try_ not to-"

"Ashley, _no_." He smoothed a hand up her arm. He was keeping her close. "No, you- you're good at telling. You pay attention. When I don't… reciprocate, you leave me alone. It _works_."

Ashley swallowed. She came back a bit from the wall- there hadn't been much space to try to give him. Now their thighs brushed again. Ashley tentatively laid a hand on his chest. She had to believe him, when he said that. He wouldn't lie about that to comfort her because she was obviously freaking out, right? No, no, she _had_ to believe him.

"Okay," she said. "Okay. So, right now… this is good?"

"…What?"

"I mean, us, cuddling. This is okay?"

Charon sighed, frustrated. " _Yes_. Please." His hand moved up her arm, pushing her shoulder towards him- they repositioned, Charon on his back, Ashley curled up around his side, face in his neck, her arm over him and his arm around her…

They started to relax. Charon pushed off the top blanket, so they didn't overheat. (Somewhere in the distance, someone laughed.)

"Okay," Ashley said, calm now, except for the pit of dread in her stomach. "Sometimes you don't like to be touched."

"Sometimes. Not all the time." He smoothed his hand up her back, kissed her forehead. Demonstrating.

"Okay." Ashley snuggled her cheek against his shoulder. "I'm sorry about overreacting like that."

His laugh was a subtle thing- little more than a quiver in his chest and a puff of breath across her hair. "You're always so worried about me."

He always seemed amused when she worried about him. An employer, concerned about his well-being? It was as backwards to him as a lot of things about her, like her general politeness to strangers and the way she smiled at everyone she made eye contact with. Another quirk of her soft vault upbringing, ha ha.

Well, it was a night of confessions.

"Sometimes, I worry that you put up with things from me, because you feel like you don't have a choice- that you can't say 'no' or 'not now.'"

Charon swallowed.

"Actually, I worry about that most of the time. It's… it's why I'm always so careful. And why I freaked out right now- I… kind of assumed that what I'd always feared was actually true, and… and you just kind of put up with me doing… things to you because I'm your employer and… and yeah."

The next pause was unbearable. Charon's heartbeat felt quick, to Ashley, but it wasn't as though she was an expert in reading his emotional state from his _heartbeat_. An insidious part of her whispered that he was about to say, 'Oh, funny, you're actually right about all of that and I was downplaying how uncomfortable I am, how awkward.' He wasn't going to say that. He _wasn't_.

Oh God hurry up and say _something_.

"When other employers touched me, it was very different. They only did it to display me to others, or to make sure I was paying attention, or two remind me that they owned me."

Ashley's skin crawled. She could easily imagine Ahzrukhal patting Charon on the head for a job well done, or worse.

"You've never done that."

Good. Good. She never wanted to remind Charon of him. Of any of the people that had owned him, used him like property.

"…I like it when you touch me." Charon paused, his rough voice soft. "I look forward to it. I never… I never thought I'd _like_ being touched."

Oh, shit. Ashley's eyes stung. Ashley blinked hard, not daring to reach up and wipe, or to sniffle-

Something must have given her away, because Charon's hand came up. He brushed a thumb under her eye before bringing it to his lips- he lacked the nerve endings to feel a droplet of water in most places, but he could still taste the salt. "Ashley-? What?"

"I'm okay," Ashley whispered, trying not to think of any of it- of all touch being tolerable at _best_ , or worse, a reminder that he was a possession, or just plain simple violence-

Her breathing shook. Charon went for the lamp. 

Ashley sat up, wiping her eyes with one hand and reaching for him with the other. "I'm okay, I'm okay-"

"You're _not_ ," Charon said, and they both winced hard as he flicked the lamp on. Ashley guiltily lowered her hand from her face. Charon looked uncertain, and when she looked down at him and suppressed a sob, he sat up, blue eyes wide. He was probably trying to figure out what had set her off this time.

Ashley tried not to laugh. She'd taken enough wild turns tonight. Laughing now would be the last straw.

"I'm…" Oh, this was going to be one inadequate explanation. "I'm glad you like it, when I touch you."

Yup. He looked suspicious. As was his right, when his girlfriend told him that she was happy while trying desperately to stop crying.

"I'm sorry," Ashley whispered, wiping her face again. Her nightshirt sleeve was starting to get gross. "I'm sorry- you've been trying to do something nice for me, telling me all this, and all I can do is freak out and cry."

Charon sighed and drew her into his shoulder, cupping the back of her head with one hand and stroking her shoulder with the other. "It's… I wanted you to know. I decided to tell you. In spite of… of not knowing how you'd react."

Ashley giggled wetly. "Well, let this be a lesson to you. No matter what you tell me, ever, I'm probably going to cry on you."

Charon laughed, one of his silent laughs. And gradually, in the arms of a man who'd been so badly mistreated that for much of his long life he'd hated being touched, she calmed.

"Thank you," she said. "For telling me. I know you don't like… talking. About things."

Charon pressed a small smile against her forehead. "No, I do not."

"And I don't think my reaction helped."

"No." Charon reached for the lamp. "But I'm glad I spoke."

**Author's Note:**

> Hell yeah, finish it February! Finally getting out some more Fallout fic.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at [babedur](http://babedur.tumblr.com).


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